The Last Resort - the first step on the road to sanity

The end of 2010 was stressful, right? I’m trying not to dwell on the past too much, fresh start in 2011 and all that jazz, but the last few weeks of 2010 chewed me up and spat me out. By the time I went for my massage on Christmas Eve I was one road rage incident away from a total breakdown.

But ooooohhhhhh the massage I had on Christmas Eve set me right again. The Last Resort in Bondi invited me down to sample something from their treatment menu and I almost wet myself when I read the description of the Ancient Stone Therapy “warm volcanic stones are used to re-align the body and provide deep stress relief.” Um, hello? Sign me up. Now.

The Last Resort is an organic detox spa tucked away in Bondi that treats and nourishes your insides with naturopathy, therapeutic massage, colon therapy (this is where I go to have my insides, er, flushed), spa treatments and nutrition.  It’s absolutely divine in the spa, with candles, fresh white walls, dark wood and Balinese art pieces. Heaven.

I started my treatment by slipping into the fluffiest robe and slippers known to man, and frankly I would have been quite happy to sit there in the robe for an hour drinking tea. But no, time to get naked (except for the disposable underpants, and can I just say they were the most comfortable and flattering disposable pants I have ever seen. It’s the little things.)

Having never had a hot stone treatment before and not really given it any thought as to what it involves beyond ‘hot stones on my back’, I was quickly whisked into total bliss when Heidi my therapist rubbed my feet with a hot towel. Simple, but so effective. Then it was time to dry body brush my back and hot stones were placed in a line down my spine.

Heidi rubbed my legs down with coconut oil and then massaged my legs one at a time using a hot stone in each of her hands. Dude. The feeling of hot, smooth stones sliding up and down your legs when they’re slick with coconut oil is...well...how do you think it would feel? I may have audibly groaned at this point.

Once my legs were suitably jelly like, she moved up to my back, shoulders, neck and the tops of my arms. One of the hardest things about having a treatment that you’re going to write about is actually being lucid enough during the treatment to take note of what’s happening around you. I started to drift off at this point and had to gather all my strength to retain at least 10% awareness while the other 90% of me was in la la land.

The back half took about 50 minutes and then it was roll over red rover so the front half could have the same. Heidi dry body brushed me and placed hot stones on my stomach, chest and forehead while I willed time to slow down so my session would never have to end.

More coconut oil, more hot stones and my legs, feet, arms, chest, throat and shoulders all got a good run over the next 40 minutes. The grand finale is a head massage and if I had any strength left I would have jumped up and kissed Heidi, but alas she had rendered me almost comatose. It took me a good five minutes to get to a standing position and get dressed, and another five minutes just sitting in the car gathering my thoughts before I could turn the ignition on.

Not only did I leave The Last Resort with my body feeling physically relaxed, but mentally I felt refreshed and ready to face Christmas Day as regular, happy Elise and not raving lunatic Elise. There is much to be said for the power of taking time out for yourself and that’s one of my 2011 resolutions.

A few other things worth mentioning:

• It’s actually quite easy to park really close to the spa. I visited multiple times in the weeks before and after Christmas, all on stinking hot days, and managed to park right outside every time. A novelty in Bondi.

• When you are lying face down for the back treatment with your face in the massage table hole, there is a gorgeous little wooden dish with salt and seashells in it underneath you. This is a really sweet touch and shows attention to detail. That said, I would like to apologise to The Last Resort because I am certain I drooled into it (possibly twice).

• Coconut oil not only hydrates your skin and smells great, but it gives a damn sexy shimmer.

The Last Resort – Ancient Stone Therapy
Price: $99 for 60 mins or 140 for 90 mins
From: The Last Resort 71 Glenayr Ave, North Bondi
Why you should try it: To have your stress rubbed away and your mental health restored.

Please note: I was a guest of The Last Resort, and I am incredibly thankful to them for allowing me to enjoy this experience.

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